how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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