so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You're a waste of cheezeits
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
