I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
