i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
