you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
