Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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