I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
