M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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