ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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