Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
