I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
