there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
