Dual....:-)
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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