got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's shark week go big or go home
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
