I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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