I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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