Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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