I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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