just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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