He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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