dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
