I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
