It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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