Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
