It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
