my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
