But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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