I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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