I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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