I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
