i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
