she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
