oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
