I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
