It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
