I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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