Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
