somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
