Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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