dude i'm inner monologue high
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
