Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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