Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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