atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
