just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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