if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
