They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
