my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
