she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
