you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
