really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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