I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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